When ‘Faith’ runs aground, it will be up to us save the species


As the faithless leader of Whidbey Island, I am responding to the “South Whidbey faith leaders” viewpoint in the April 5 edition of The Record.

I had a dream (copyright by the heirs of MLK) a human of immense platonic and erotic love (just like you). Unassisted by chemicals, I dreamed that waves were lapping at the roof of my home (built in 2005 at least one mile from then-beachfront homes). Refugees from the Maldive Islands (near India), now mostly Muslim, thus people of the Book, pulled me on deck. “We heard that as our islands sink beneath the sea we would be welcomed on Whidbey Island.”

I gaped at them in disbelief (chronic ailment among us atheists), “You are fleeing islands sinking under the ocean to take refuge on an island?”

I located the lifeboats just as I felt the ship, Faith, shudder and heard Captain NOAA (a human of indeterminate gender) call out “Take to the life boats, I think Faith hit a reef. No the reefs are gone, it must have been a gigantic ice cube from Antarctica (branded with a Russian flag) – abandon ship while I go down with it!”

On the lifeboat “Homo sapiens,” incredibly labeled capacity 7,500,000,000, water swashed over the gunwales. People prayed all around me. Rudely I called, “More bailing, less praying.” Next to me a young couple in their 20s knelt with their eight children and read Bible verses. In my perpetual disrespect, I said, “We all love children. Perhaps move them to the center of the boat and strap their hands to rings on the boat deck before they are washed into the sea.”

To the people leaning over the deck, casting for fish and trying to pull up crab pots, I said “All who lived on Whidbey Island loved seafood; please bail!”

Distressed by volunteer firefighters lacking dummies cracking real ribs and more children praying to Santa to airlift them, I tried without success to call a Coast Guard helicopter on my sea-salt-shorted mobile phone.

Seriously, it is up to us to save our species.



More in Letters to the Editor

IDIPIC needs volunteers to serve as speakers, helpers

Editor, In 2017, the Impaired Driving Impact Panel of Island County presented… Continue reading

Vote ‘yes’ to maintain island’s library services

Editor, I am writing to encourage you to vote yes for libraries.… Continue reading

Check you facts when talking gun control

Editor, In Lorinda Newton’s March 10 letter, she contends that states with… Continue reading

Guns need as much, if not more, training as cars

Editor, Lorinda Newton’s March 10 letter makes a great argument for the… Continue reading

If guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have them

Editor, Each mass shooting grieves my soul, be it at a school,… Continue reading

Need to start listening to children about guns

Editor, The latest advice from conservative Newt Gingrich: “Let’s arm teachers.” What… Continue reading

Don’t miss out on Uganda’s dancers Friday

Editor, South Whidbey Islanders: Please rejoice and welcome the dozen-plus young people… Continue reading

We’re still blowin’ in the wind

Editor, Over 50 years ago, Bob Dylan recorded “Blowin’ in the Wind,”… Continue reading

I – 1600 volunteer because healthcare is a human right

Editor, Whole Washington is an ambitious group of citizens and health care… Continue reading

Council should focus on commercial incentives

Editor, The underlying concern expressed in the South Whidbey Record’s editorial “Live… Continue reading

Machine Shop offers valuable enrichment

Editor, As a South Whidbey resident and mother of three, I was… Continue reading

Let’s just keep young people out of Langley

Editor, To the members of Langley Association of Neighbors Downtown in the… Continue reading