Global warming has a bright side

"Everybody’s concerned about global warming, but nobody ever talks about the bright side.Global warming could prove to be a bonanza for Whidbey Island, where cold weather, rain, and chilly water keep the real estate prices far below what they are in Malibu and Honolulu. From an economic standpoint the warmer it gets, the better off we’ll be.Scientists say the globe will heat up considerably during the next 50 years, meaning that now’s the time to buy cheap island real estate. When everyone realizes the mercury in the thermometer is headed straight up, it will be too late.Add another 10 degrees to Whidbey Island’s average yearly temperature and we’ve got paradise, South Seas style. Double Bluff will become the new Waikiki where warm water laps onto the steamy sand. Holmes Harbor will become a tepid lagoon where scantily clad wind surfers rule the warm waves. And the streets of Langley will be filled with sweaty shoppers competing to buy anything the natives have fashioned from the local coconut trees and seashells.The warm weather will drive the salmon farther north, which will result in a bonanza for local fishermen who will switch to mackerel, tuna, bonita, barracuda and shark, none of which are endangered. Frisky and populous porpoises will replace nearly-endangered killer whales, who will find a new home in the Bering Sea. Scuba divers can doff their wetsuits and pursue Australian lobster and abalone, right off the Clinton recreational pier.So many tourists will want to come here that the ferries will no longer have to be subsidized by taxpayer dollars. They’ll think nothing of a $30 boat ride to paradise. Meanwhile, Whidbey Island’s commuters can all quit their mainland jobs and sell silver baubles and pukka shell necklaces to the visitors.Douglas fir and hemlock will naturally die out, to be replaced by palm, banyan and mahogany trees. We’ll no longer have to send our kids on expensive trips to the tropical rain forest -- it’ll be in our own backyards. South Whidbey’s biggest cash crop, presently grown indoors under special lights, can be moved outdoors where it will reach new heights, assuming machete-wielding deputies don’t find the plants.With all this going on real estate prices will zoom out of sight, and before long all us native islanders can sell out and luxuriously live out our remaining years in a mild climate that reminds us of the old days on Whidbey Island.Now’s the time to start looking for real estate in Nome, Alaska"

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