Opinion

Editor's column

"Stories finally end next centuryMany of the stories printed in The Record have no end in sight, which takes all the fun out of reporting them. For example, we’ve been printing land use plannning stories for 35 years now and they’re still planning, always under a shroud of controversy. But a new century is dawning, and there’s hope that in the next 100 years some of these issues will actually be settled so we can write the final chapter and move on to something else. Here are the headlines and brief story descriptions showing how they might turn out.LAND USE PLANNING ENDS: Island County planners threw in the towel last week as the one-millionth person moved to Whidbey Island. “All those people kind of shot down our plans,” said Planning Director Phil Bakke, who retired after 40 years as the county’s head planner. He planned to move to the sparsely populated state of California.STUDENTS FINALLY TEST-FREE: Students in schools around the state, including South Whidbey, will no longer be forced to take learning assessment tests. The decision came after a student group won a class action lawsuit claiming the tests were age discriminatory. The state then decided to test all age groups, but the effort ended after all elected officials failed the seventh grade Assessment of Student Learning. “We don’t want people to think they’re being governed by a bunch of idiots,” said Gov. Tim Eyman.CHURCH SETTLES ON NAME: One of South Whidbey’s most historic and beloved churches finally settled on a permanent name. Forever more, it will be called The South Whidbey Little Brown Free Methodist Community Church. “We’re praying someone will donate a board long enough to paint it on,” said a church leader.BOEING, NICHOLS MERGE: Nichols Brothers, South Whidbey’s largest private employer, secured its future this week by merging with Boeing. The new company will be called Boeing Brothers. “We’re going to build flying boats for the military,” said corporate CEO Brian Nichols at the company’s Freeland headquarters. “We’ll use Langley for bombing practice.”ATHLETIC CODE ADOPTED: After decades of discussion, South Whidbey High School has adopted its new Athletic Code. All athletes will be required to abuse drugs and alcohol and undergo continuous counseling and community service. “This way, nobody can make others look bad by acting like a goody two-shoes,” said the final report from a committee of deeply concerned parents.EDITOR FINALLY DIES: Longtime South Whidbey Recordeditor Jim Larsen died yesterday, prompting the biggest community celebration since Playground in the Park was finished last century. A simple tombstone with his name spelled incorrectly marks his final resting place. “It was a way for the community to get even,” said Langley Mayor Loyd Furmin III."

Trending Stories Apr 13 - Apr 20

  • South Whidbey Record

  • Western Washington

Community Events, April 2014

Add an Event
We encourage an open exchange of ideas on this story's topic, but we ask you to follow our guidelines for respecting community standards. Personal attacks, inappropriate language, and off-topic comments may be removed, and comment privileges revoked, per our Terms of Use. Please see our FAQ if you have questions or concerns about using Facebook to comment.
blog comments powered by Disqus

Read the latest Green Edition

Browse the print edition page by page, including stories and ads.

Apr 19 edition online now. Browse the archives.