June 25, 2008 · Updated 9:40 PM
"Don't let the blue skies and 70 degree temperatures fool you. Fall has arrived and with it some strong signals that we are in for a very bad winter. After two consecutive mild winters, it's time to batten down the hatches and get ready for disaster by purchasing one of those new Coleman VCRs that run on white gas. For proof, we need only peruse the following clear signs of the upcoming winter to remember.* Whidbey Island's rabbits are already wearing fur coats.* Closely examine the underside of a woolly bear caterpillar and you'll see that it's wearing 100 tiny snowshoes.* The ferries are white as snow.* Coyotes are stockpiling cats for winter.* Propane prices are skyrocketing, meaning we're sure to need more of it.* The Island County Commissioners, anticipating a cold election year, are considering a Keith Dearborn spending freeze.* So many snowbirds are booking early flights to Arizona that you can't find a foursome for pinochle at the Senior Center.* The latest Gallup Poll shows that most Americans think it has something to do with horses.* Al Gore has stopped sweating.* Concerned that Northwesterners might freeze this winter, President Clinton has freed up one million cords of wood from the Strategic Alder Reserve. In response, Al Gore claimed he invented the pot belly stove, while George Bush said the move was just an election year ploy to win the votes of thousands of Whidbey Islanders who smell like smoke.* Two sunbathers who decided to spend the night at Double Bluff beach were found this morning tragically turned into bikinisicles.* State crews working on Highway 525 south of Greenbank are racing against time to finish destroying the highway before winter sets in.* Island Transit is advertising for sled drivers, starting at $6.75 an hour. In response, Tim Eyman filed an initiative saying that all snow-covered roads must immediately be paved.* Islanders anticipating a big freeze this winter have joined together to build the world's largest hot water bottle.* Island County Emergency Services is replacing its Tsunami Evacuation Route signs with Advancing Glacier Evacuation Route signs. You have 10,000 years to get off the island. "