June 25, 2008 · Updated 9:43 PM
"Speaking for the fathers of Whidbey Island, I beg the students at Bayview High School not to demand admission into the South Whidbey High School prom.Start your own prom, instead.Because you are an alternative high school, give us an alternative prom. Make the island's fathers happy. Save everyone some money. Hold a prom that's fun, not torture.Fun? Sure, it's not the American way, but it's worth a try. Make the Bayview Alternative Prom fun and inexpensive, and pretty soon you'll have the most popular prom around. With fathers, at least.First rule of the Alternative Prom is that everyone is equal. There aren't any rich kids, cool kids, beautiful kids or grungy kids. Everyone who wants to go to the prom gets to go, and with whom is a surprise. Put everyone's name in one of Jean Shaw's hats and draw a boy's name for each girl's name. That's your prom date, no muss, fuss or stress. Fathers of the island won't have to endure months of pre-prom turmoil as their daughters wonder who, if anyone, will invite them to the prom.Second rule: No new dresses, suits or tuxedoes. The Bayview Alternative Prom will be cost-conscious and pro-recycling. Prom attire must have been obtained in a family member's closet (mom, dad, grandparents, etc.) or from one of three local clothiers: Good Cheer in Langley, the Bayview Senior Thrift Shop, or the WAIF Thrift Shop in Freeland. You can dress creatively and look great without spending a hundreds of dad's dollars for a new dress or tux that you'll wear only once.Third rule: The Alternative Prom should be pesticide-free. No fancy, exotic corsages that are expensive and a testament to the miracle of gardening with chemicals. Grab an early bloom from the BHS garden or pick a wild rhododendron or trillium in the woods.Fourth rule: Keep it local. Hold the Alternative Prom in Bayview Hall, and make sure dinner is purchased locally. A Clover Patch or Freeland Cafe date would be memorable, tasty and reasonably priced. Save the fancy Seattle eateries for fancy Seattleites.Fifth rule: Go to the dance and have a good time, with music provided by local musicians. No admittance to anyone who shows up in a limousine.Rule six: After the first Bayview Alternative Prom that's fun, fair and inexpensive, you'll have to control future attendance due to limited space. You'll have to decide: Do you really want South Whidbey High School students at your prom? "