Opinion

Editor's Column

"Former President Carter and others on a high-level committee have recommended that Election Day become a holiday so more people will vote. This is an outstanding idea. We need another holiday sandwiched between Halloween and Thanksgiving, giving us one more full shopping day until Christmas.The first Tuesday following the first Monday of November is excellent timing for Election Day. It makes up for the injustice that nobody gets the day off on Halloween.If Congress should approve the Election Day holiday, there's one problem -- no holiday tradition. Holidays are no fun without tradition, so Election Day will have to get started by borrowing from the three other holidays that already exist.Voters on Election Day can make use of their leftover Halloween costumes by wearing them to the polls. It would be fun to join a line-up of witches, goblins, sorcerers, vampires, werewolves and Richard Nixons waiting their turn in the voting booth. Of course, the most horrifying part of Election Day would remain the list of candidates on the butterfly ballot. With the new holiday in place we could finally express ourselves by shrieking in terror at the choices. Polling places would finally sound like the torture dungeons they really are. Everyone who votes would get a piece of candy from the pollworkers, all of whom are dressed like undertakers. This alone should increase voter turnout substantially.After voting, the electorate would rush home to watch the traditional Election Day football game, in which the two worst teams from the previous season battle it out on the gridiron. This would symbolize the fact that on Election Day, everyone is a loser.No holiday is complete without a big post-game meal and Election Day will be no exception. There is no question what they main course will be -- it's what we always get when we vote. Everyone in America will enjoy a big fat Election Day turkey.Election Day evening as we await the election results could borrow from the Christmas tradition. As the kids are doing the dinner dishes, Mom and Dad can wrap the presents for the children. The presents should be packaged beautifully with decorative paper and colorful ribbons. The presents, in other words, should be packaged as carefully as the candidates. When the kids open them, they'll find there's not much there but a lump of coal or dirty old sock. They'll feel bad -- just like their parents feel when they see the real candidate after he takes office.By coming the best elements of existing traditions, Election Day could eventually become our nation's most popular holiday. Let's put on our costumes and vote on it. "

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