Opinion

Viewpoint

"Bond debacle shows how to make moneyThe Holmes Harbor Sewer District debacle has inspired me. Now, there are those who think that maybe there was just a tiny bit of illegality in a local sewer district selling $20,000,000 (count those zeros) worth of bonds for a speculative development in an entirely different county by a developer who apparently has trouble finishing your basic condominium for some hens. After all, the developer raked a cool $1,240,000 off the top and bought a $6,210,000 interest in some land appraised for about $1,000,000, the lawyer for the sewer district took $100,000 off the top, and there is a big pile of greenbacks, $10,000,000 more or less, stashed in a trust fund in New York.And the expenses for dealing these bonds were from about 10-20 times more than any other bonds issued in the other 131 bond issues in Washington. Wow! That's a lot of dollar signs followed by a lot more commas and O's for a non-existent, speculative development. And quite a lot of those dollars have found their way into a lot fewer pockets.Now there are those who imply that this operation amounted to wholesale illegality executed with outstanding impropriety which has gained the Holmes Harbor Sewer District a reputation of infamous notoriety. Fraud, they say! To which I reply, Balderdash! These naysayers fail to recognize and honor this outstanding example of American ingenuity and entrepreneurship. We could all learn a lesson from these shining beacons of capitalism.I, for one, have taken this lesson to heart. I was just cogitating on my long term financial prospects and I assure the ladies and gentlemen and other persuasions of this reading audience that there ain't no way I'm ever going to get close to that many 1's and 0's preceded by a dollar sign unless they're part of some computer code.But inspired by the capitalist creativity of the Holmes Harbor Sewer District, I had a brainstorm. Thinking strategically, I realized that I am not taking advantage of the resources I already command as a lesser captain of capitalism. So here's what I going to do.I already own my very own sewer district. Yes, that's right! That's what the septic tank really is. And I've been thinking that it really does need some improvement. Namely, the grass could use some judicious pruning. So, I'll form a Local Sewer Improvement District and sell bonds to finance this improvement. I estimate that this will take approximately $10. However, as the prime perpetrator of this economic development, I will of course take the fees to which I'm entitled, say $100,000 or so. And come to think of it, there's really no reason whey the Island Economic Sewer Development District should limit its geographic scope of operations to only my backyard or even just Whidbey Island. See, I've got an old friend who owns 10 acres of vertical cliff outside of beautiful Winnemucca, Nev., which he bought from an ad on the back of a matchbook cover. These beautiful, prime 10 acres would be just perfect for an environmentally groovy industrial park. You know, the kind with lots of beauty bark. I figure it will take about $50,000,000 in bonds--solidly backed of course, by my septic tank.The rewards for investors will be simply astonishing! So, if you're at all interested in getting in on the ground floor of this rising elevator of economic progress and prosperity, just give me a call at 1-800-2GOOD2BTRUE. I'm printing bonds even as I write, so don't delay, call today. Langley resident Steve Erickson is a founder of Whidbey Island Environmental Network and sometimes fancies himself another Molly Ivins. "

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