June 25, 2008 · Updated 9:46 PM
"An opinion column in this newspaper recently called for a revolution on Whidbey Island so we can stop poor development, but after years of watching islanders at work, I can safely say that revolution won't work here. We're not organized enough for a revolution.No good revolution can start without a Revolutionary Committee, such as they had in France. Unfortunately, on Whidbey Island there would be one meeting of the Revolutionary Committee, during which the committee would break up into North Whidbey, Central Whidbey and South Whidbey Revolutionary Committees. The North Whidbey folks would want to bomb the developers, Central Whidbey would want to preserve them as historical curiosities, while South Whidbey would want them to change spiritually.The first meeting of the South Whidbey Revolutionary Committee would be a potluck at Trinity Lutheran Church, in which everyone would bring spinach lasagna and tell each other how good their spinach lasagna tastes. From that basis of lies, the committee would have a shaky start. By night's end, there would be no choice but to break up into the Freeland, Langley and Clinton Revolutionary Committees. Each of course would appoint a liaison to the other committees, which would require frequent liaison subcommittee meetings.The South Whidbey Record's staff of two meeting-goers would then have four additional monthly night meetings to attend, plus having to call the North and Central Whidbey Revolutionary Committees to see what they're doing, if anything.The early meetings, say for the first year or two, would be dedicated to writing a Revolutionary Visioning Statement, over which there would be much disagreement. Eventually it would be decided that Clinton, Langley and Freeland have distinctly different visions of revolution, and those differences should be respected. Clinton, for example, would focus on not letting any more mainland developers on the ferry. Langley would welcome the developers to a seminar at the Inn at Langley, titled Life Alternatives for Developers, followed by massages for all. Freeland would realize that we'd need a place to store all those unused developers, and would built Developer Storage Units on an attractive hillside.The years would go by and the committees would continue to meet, but nobody would actually get around to holding a revolution.In a sense, this is a good thing. If all islands were organized like Whidbey, Fidel Castro never would have gotten around to a revolution. But he's sure be tired of spinach lasagna. "