Opinion

EDITOR'S COLUMN | Langley murder is no mystery to me

So, word is a murderer is loose in Langley? Well, well, well, I just happen to have a list of suspects, all of whom have been hiding right under my nose for months. That’s right, the villain is clearly an employee of the South Whidbey Record.

Sure, they stroll in every day under the guise of cheery professionals, but I’m on to them. I may not have positively identified the killer just yet, but it’s only a matter of time. This newspaper editor is far too crafty for such shenanigans.

Who’s at the top of the list? Reporter Celeste Erickson, of course. Her sweet and soft-spoken demeanor and strong work ethic isn’t fooling anyone. Clearly, it’s a masquerade for a far more nefarious agenda.

Nancy Waddell, our dedicated volunteer proofreader, is highly suspicious as well. I mean, who could spend that much time working for free, and at so many different organizations? All out of the goodness of her heart? I don’t think so. Be warned Waddell — I’m watching you.

And then there is reporter Ben Watanabe. Oh, Ben, Ben, Ben; you think you’ve pulled the wool over my eyes, but I’ve been on to you from day one, buddy. All those long hours covering sports games, city government and maintaining The Record’s social media presence haven’t dulled my wary senses. No sir, I know what’s happening here.

In fact, writing this I realize now it’s a near certainty that I may soon meet the same fate as the poor “handsome” stranger whose demise is the subject of Langley’s Mystery Weekend, today and Sunday, Feb. 22-23.

This unfortunate casualty waltzed into town claiming to be the heir of a vast local estate. That was his first mistake. Like wealthy newspaper editors, one should always keep their riches a closely guarded secret, but I digress.

To solve the mystery surrounding the man’s untimely death, clue maps and copies of The Langley Gazette can be picked up at 10 a.m. this morning at the Langley Chamber of Commerce office, 208 Anthes St. The Coroner’s Report will be given at 1 p.m. the same day in Langley Park.

Cost is $10 for adults; seniors, youths [7-16] and military pay $8.

Though I have already all but solved the case, the answer to the mystery will be announced Sunday at 4:30 p.m. at the Langley Middle School auditorium. Sadly, family duties have called me away this weekend so I won’t know which Record staffer is to blame until Monday morning.

Of course, one should consider the old adage: “The one pointing the finger has four more pointing back the other way.” Chew on that, Langley. Bwa, ha, ha, ha.

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