EDITOR’S COLUMN | Three-hour debate was time well spent

I watched the Republican debate on television Wednesday, most of it anyway. I flipped on the TV a little late, but nevertheless was among the 23 million reported Americans who tuned in.

That’s a lot of people, but a pale shadow of the nearly 320 million who call the United States home. Where was everyone? Better things to do, I guess, than learn about those who may just one day be president.

Given some of the shenanigans of GOP leaders in recent years, and the truly perplexing and alarming popularity of Donald Trump, I suppose it shouldn’t be too surprising that people elected to skip the debate, but I guess it depends on one’s political allegiances.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Democrat. But I’m no Republican either. I’m a Justinican, which is likely the greatest political party of them all. Our logic is impeccable, our agenda righteous, and anything and everything else is chalked up by sensible folk as the evil machinations of self-serving profiteers or socialists.

Perhaps the Justinicans (me) aren’t so different after all, but rather fit in perfectly with the other parties. We’re right and everyone else is wrong, there’s no in-between. Ahhh… political parties — the best thing to happen to our country since herpes. Once you sign up, you’re a member for life and never have to bother with learning about prevention again.

Admittedly, there are benefits to remaining herpes-free and staying politically informed. While not a single GOP candidate earned my trust Wednesday — several actually made the hair on the back of my neck stand up — watching the debate wasn’t an exercise in futility. I learned about the candidates, their positions and what I can expect if one were to become my commander-in-chief and how they’ll tackle tricky or sensitive issues.

For example, if tasked with solving Langley’s rabbit problems Chris Christie and Carly Fiorina would shy from spaying or neutering Bugs by defunding planned parenthood or the bunny equivalent. Mike Huckabee would tackle their procreation by refusing to issue gay bunnies marriage licenses because God says it’s wrong, Jeb Bush (between puffs of marijuana) would blame President Barack Obama and begin rebuilding the military to combat the invasion directly and Trump would either give them a job, insult them into submission or begin a vaccination campaign in hopes of making the population autistic.

I don’t know about anyone else, but for me the debate was three hours well spent.