MONKEY THINK, MONKEY WRITE: Justin, Janet and John: It’s time for a little forgiveness

The breast things in life are free.

The breast things in life are free.

That was the message this week, as a federal appeals court threw out the $550,000 fine that CBS got hit with after Janet Jackson’s “wardrobe malfunction” during the 2004 Super Bowl show.

I can’t help but think there is something wrong with the decision. It makes me wonder how closely the judges examined the evidence that was brought out during the trial, and also what was brought out when Justin Timberlake got to the end of his song “Rock Your Body” during the halftime show.

Perhaps it’s just as well. Maybe it’s time for our country to heal. Maybe it’s time to try a little forgiveness.

And besides, too much continued focus on “Nipplegate” may set a precedent, and it may lead some back in Washington, D.C. to call for intense scrutiny of another boob on the loose, the one in the White House.

I’m in a forgiving mood myself.

For the past two weeks, I’ve been rolling my eyes every time I see John McCain on television wearing a baseball cap. I’m going to stop that now, in the spirit of forgiveness.

I suppose the ball cap thing is an attempt to make him look younger. I think the gimmick might actually work if he picked a baseball team that’s still playing the game, like the Detroit Tigers, instead of the team he grew up with, the Pangaea Drifters.

Talk about a wardrobe malfunction. If he really wants the hat trick to work, he should put the hat on backwards like Ken Griffey used to do, or spin it halfway to one side like how all the gangsta rappers on MTV wear their ball caps. A big gold chain around his neck and he would be complete, fo’ schizzle. Can’t you just picture him with his new look as he walks into the Oval Office for some campaign advice? “Wassup, G?”

I think I’ll send him an e-mail with my fashion advice. Maybe I’ll even include a link to the maps on Google. Oh, wait, never mind.

I’ve also forgiven the White House for its latest flip flop on a timeline for ending the war.

As you know, the president has long opposed setting a timeline. But with the Iraqi prime minister saying that the end of 2010 looks like a fine time to get foreign troops out of his country, the Bush administration has come up with a new way of saying “timeline” without saying “timeline.”

At the White House, a timeline is now known as a “general time horizon.”

Government officials tried to downplay the comments this week by Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, and said he was misunderstood and misquoted, and the translation was not accurate because it was done by the German magazine “Der Spiegel.”

Pres. Bush was especially confused, and wanted to know why al-Maliki had granted an interview to the magazine.

“Der Spiegel? Isn’t that a kind of a dog? Der Spaniel and Das Dachshund. What’s going on here? What’s a reporter for a dog fancier magazine doing writing about Iraq?” he asked. “And has anybody taken Der Barney for his walk this morning?”

Speaking of the latest comments by the Iraqi prime minister, the White House now has a new phrase of saying “turd in the punchbowl.” Such a thing is now called a “flavor neutralizing agent.”

Next time: My best behavior.

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