Last weekend, after enjoying a huge bowl of hot n’ sour soup, chased by a plate of dan dan noodles, I read my fortune cookie which offered this chastising caveat — “Cleverness devoid of wisdom is extremely dangerous and destructive.”

Being a Cancerian astrologically, naturally I took this fortune personally, causing me to leave a much smaller tip.

Upon arriving at my caboose office, I noticed that there was a voice mail message from our Island County auditor.

“Hi, Jim, this is Suzanne Sinclair. Jim, could you please give me a call at your convenience? Your last column about mail ballot write-ins has generated some activity up here. It’s not an emergency, but I would like to speak with you about this.”

Needless to say, getting a phone call from any elected official, opposed or unopposed, certainly stimulates more than my economy.

Before calling Suzanne back, I re-read my column published in The South Whidbey Record on Oct. 28 to see what I had actually written.

No wonder there was wonder.

My trick or treat weekend column had stressed the joy of write-in voting in situations where candidates were running unopposed.

Why not vote for your family and friends? Maybe they would see their names in the paper.

Not.

At the time of my writing the column, State Rep. Chris Strow was running for reelection unopposed.

However, two days before my write-in sarcasm was printed, it was announced locally that Grethe Cammermeyer had been certified as a write-in candidate against Congressman Strow.

All of a Sunday my column made less sense, offering a different punch to the punch line.

So, short story long, the day after election day, I drove to Coupeville in my best Sunday go-to-meetin’ clothes to learn how the wizards who tally and tabulate our write-ins actually do so.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I say that my political science degree from college was not much help in trying to keep up with the staff of the auditor’s office?

How many of us in the electorate have ever observed the counting of ballots?

Rest assured, not only does your vote count and my vote count, our votes are counted and re-counted and re-counted and checked and cross-checked and balanced and re-counted before the recounting is recanted.

Not only does our vote count, I learned during my “cleverness without wisdom tour” that writing in the name of a person who is not a bona fide certified candidate (one who must pay a filing fee equal to 1 percent of the annual income for the office sought) causes the ballot to be counted even more.

Any write-in has to be verified as certified. If the candidate is certified, the voter need not indicate the write-in’s political party. In fact, even if a write-in voter misspelled Grethe Cammermeyer’s name in the process, the vote for her is valid because she qualified through the certification process.

If a write-in name is not a certified candidate, one must indicate the political party of the person named. To do otherwise will route the ballot along its digital scanning journey to the “over-vote” or “non-vote” category of a fictional character.

And if that seems confusing, take your own journey to Coupeville to meet the most dedicated and fun-loving female staff in any auditors’ office anywhere.

Write that in permanent marker.

Sinclair’s Hall of Unknown & Unselfish Fame includes Loann Gulick, election supervisor, who has dedicated 28 years of public service under several Island County auditors.

Remember these names?

Art Hyland, Harry Ferrier and Duane Kemps?

Don’t write them in. They are no longer certified!

Other election wizards include Anne La Cour, chief deputy auditor, originally from Houston, Texas; Michele Reagan, voter registration deputy; Kim Armstrong; Barb Oleson; Donna Hoyer; Eileen King; Cheryl Knighton; Dodie Hanby; Heather Porter; and Anna Tamura, keeper of the not-so-secret stash of Swiss chocolates that concluded my tour.

Thanks be to you all!

How would you like to keep up with the 350 new Washington State election laws that have impacted our county auditor’s office during the last 24 months?

How would you like to schlepp our county’s 25 to 30 pound, $4,000 to $5,000 portable voting machines all around Camano and Whidbey on Election Day?

How would you like to hand count 40,000 ballots, scanning every vote for every candidate, resolution and initiative?

How much initiative would a roomful of guys have counting hundreds of numbered trays holding hundreds of ballots?

I know how we handled that type of tediousness in the Marine Corps.

Can you say Dempsey Dumpster?

Speaking of veterans, congratulations again to those veterans of our auditor’s office who should all receive five stars for their dutiful duty.

Attention!

A heart-filled hand salute to all branches of our military.

Remember your motto?

United States Army: “This We’ll Defend.”

United States Air Force: “Uno Ab Alto.”

United States Coast Guard: “Semper Paratus.”

United States Navy: “Honor, Courage, Commitment.”

United States Marines: “Semper Fidelis.”

And if I may, allow me to offer this Latin motto for our extraordinary auditor’s office: “Semper Countonus.”

Count on this!

Hope to see you at South Whidbey High School for our 21st Annual School-Community Talent Show next weekend, Friday, Nov. 17 and Saturday, Nov. 18.

You’ll be able to see my motto in action.

“Semper Sarcasticus.”

Jim can be reached all too easily at fun@whidbey.com.