The end is near, but I’ve misplaced the beginning

Published 4:00 pm Saturday, December 31, 2005

It is rare indeed that our final issue of the year for our local newspaper falls on the final day of the year. This coincidence has aided my weekly quandary of what to write about. My high school English teacher Miss Reid might suggest a column about why not to end sentences with prepositions.

Actually, as much as I enjoy writing columns, there is no problem with the writing.

My problem is the subject. There are always so many choices. One of the reasons that I moved here from Hollyweird was so I could have fewer choices. It’s tough sometimes living in such an abundant Universe.

Choices. They are everywhere.

Which may be the real reason that I have issues with deciding what to write about. Whoops, Miss Reid, there I go again.

Of course, in writing professionally or unprofessionally, the first thing one must do is to decide where to put all the stuff that is already on your desk. One cannot write a column if the only desk space for pen and paper or the computer keyboard is on top of breakfast dishes, last weekend’s USA Today and a new live CD of Bill Haley and The Comets singing “Train of Sin.”

Decisions, decisions. Where to put all this stuff?

So, having decided to relocate my non-column items to other sections of my space-less caboose, I can work on my next decision: What to write about.

Whoops.

I can work on my next decision: About what to write.

Is it not amazing that with only 26 letters in the alphabet we can have so many words available to us? So few letters. So much to say.

The more I think about this, which is often, because there is no one here but you and me, I realize that the act of deciding may be the most powerful tool we have.

We have been gifted with temporary bodies and permanent minds.

In this individualized mind we create thoughts from which we create beliefs, feelings, emotions and, for me, large amounts of daydreaming.

During this daydreaming, which sometimes occurs at night in the Northwest because we have no sun until April, I think about things I need to know. I ask myself questions that I cannot answer. Questions like — “If I close my eyes, where does my skin end and the space outside my skin begin?”

Have you cogitated lately? I invite you to close your eyes (not right now, but after reading this paragraph) and take a moment to relax your body as completely as you can. Sit in a comfortable position. Place your feet flat on the floor. Let your hands relax. Try to be at peace. Think of yourself as being invisible, unlimited, and spaceless. Even though you are aware of your body wherever you feel your clothes making contact and when you feel the chair or the floor beneath your shoes, think of your ears, your nose, your forehead, the backs of your hands. Can you tell where the skin is and space begins?

With your eyes still closed, notice the sides of your face and see if you can sense where your skin is. Where is the bottom of your chin?

So what does the bottom of my chin have to do with making decisions? It proves my point that if I make a decision about what to write, all I have to do is to get started. All I have to do is sit down on my conductor’s stool, clear the desk, turn on the computer, wipe the mustard off the keyboard and get going. It is as plain as the nose above the bottom of my chin.

Coincidentally, today in Clio, Michigan, as they do every Dec. 31, the citizens are celebrating “Make Up Your Mind Day.” This is a day for all those folks who have a hard time making up their minds.

So, they all get together and make at least one decision and follow through with it. Seems like if they all decide to get together, they have already decided. So, why go? I guess that would be the next decision.

As we celebrate another great year of life, let us honor the 2005 winner of the Best Obituary Award, given annually as long as we ourselves are present.

Congratulations to the family and friends of James Robert “Beef” Ward of Columbus, Ohio for sharing Jim Bob’s or Beef’s wonderful sense of humor with our readers who never met him. As we quote from his Columbus Dispatch tribute: “Jimmy, whom his family affectionately called ‘Pork’ or ‘Bubba,’ will be remembered for his wonderful sense of humor along with his dedication to his family. A beloved son, brother and uncle, he was also a devoted animal lover whose kindness and gentle soul enriched all who knew him.

Preceded in death by his mother, Barbara Jean ‘Buffalo Butt’ Ward and pets Princess, Buster, Lady, Bonkers, Susie, Daisy, and Silky. Survived by the ‘light of his life’ fiancé Annie ‘Red’; father, J. Richard (Old Fart); sisters Debbie (Peep), Cathy (Funny Face), Karen (Turtle), Patty (Hamburger), and Amy (Amos) and numerous aunts, uncles, cousins and friends.”

God bless you, Beef. Your presence in Heaven assures a splendid New Year for us all.

And, for once and for all, your relocation puts to rest the oft-asked and seldom answered old family question: “Where’s the Beef?”