A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.

The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him, but finally even she had had enough. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry,” the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I can’t use an oral thermometer.”

This started another round of complaining, but eventually the barrister rolled over and bared his behind.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard the nurse announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

The nurse departed, leaving the door to the lawyer’s room open on her way out. The patient could be heard cursing under his breath as he heard people walking past his door, laughing.

After about a half hour, the man’s doctor came into the room.

“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angered, the man answered, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”

After a pause, the doctor confessed, “Not with a carnation.”

That may not be my favorite lawyer joke, but it certainly made me laugh coming from my dentist. His father was not only an attorney, but a judge, too.

So, here we are, once again in September, the month that our kids return to school while we return to visions of normalcy and our own schedules.

Even if you are like us and your kids are already schooled and appear to be raised, this time of year gives us all an opportunity for a collective sigh of relief, unless you are a teacher.

Then you just sigh in anticipation of gems like these, allegedly from kindergarten kids discussing ocean life.

Thanks to Frannie Johnson for sharing these with our readers.

“If you are surrounded by sea you are an island. If you don’t have sea all around you, you are incontinent.” (Wayne,

age 7.)

“I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more.” (Kylie, age 6.)

“My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.” (Millie, age 6.)

“When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn’t blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.” (William, age 7.)

“Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.” (Christopher, age 7.)

“There are a lot of suckers in the ocean. The Mafia put them there.” (Russ, age 5.)

Frannie sent a few other choice kindergarten quotes that I am unable to share as they are somewhere between a PG-55 and an R-86. You might hear them from her directly at the Rod & Gun Club some Friday night or on Oct. 24th when she and I gather together for a pig roast.

At least I think that’s what we are doing.

Check back next week and we’ll know for sure.

In the meantime, we hope to see you Sept. 10th at the Greenbank Farm for Whidbey’s Big Doggie Do, The Wag n’ Walk.

It’s not to be missed, unless you don’t watch where you are walking.