Lawmakers should pass Sasquatch bills

Orcas, eagles and bears. Oh my.

These Western Washington animals — and many more — are recognized and protected in a plethora of ways. Meanwhile, a creature that may be one of the most endangered of all species gets no respect. Until now.

State Sen. Ann Rivers, a Republican from La Center, introduced two bills this session that would finally honor Sasquatch, according to a story by Alex Visser of the WNPA Olympia News Bureau.

That’s right, we’re talking about Big Foot. The “noble savage.” A hard-to-locate beast of Northwest lore that resembles a man in a gorilla suit.

One of the bills would have named Sasquatch as the state’s official cryptid, which is a fancy word meaning “a creature that probably doesn’t exist.” Apparently even Rivers questions whether Big Foots — or is it Big Feet? — are really rambling around, not pooping or dying and avoiding tourists in the Olympic Peninsula.

The other bill would have given Sasquatch its own special design license plate, an honor which orcas, eagles and bears have long enjoyed. Nowadays even amateur radio operators, deer and Central Washington University have special license plates.

Neither bill is going to become law, which is a shame. Even doubters have to admit that the Sasquatch has a lot of name recognition, as well as a positive, if zany, image. (Thanks beef jerky company.)

Two new Big-Foot-related laws would bring attention to the nebulous creature and to the state, which has got to be good for tourism — as well as the news cycle. Maybe the Sasquatch license plate could raise money for a new Big Foot research facility, a really big Big Foot statue or a water slide.

In fact, lawmakers should look into additional bills related to Big Foot. The state should probably clear up whether it’s legal to trap, hunt or harass them. Perhaps they could formally receive some sort of protected status; people should be prevented from getting within 300 feet of them.

It doesn’t have to stop with Sasquatch. Lawmakers should consider other laws regarding things that are strange and elusive in the state. In addition to laws about UFOs, ghosts and unicorns, they could find better ways to fund education, break traffic gridlock and make housing affordable.

Nah. That would be ridiculous.

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