ALL ABOARD: Maple Ridge Rag: News that’s overheard and fit to print

With this column I am pleased to announce the addition of several new co-columnists who, without their knowledge or permission, have successfully contributed to the comedic content of today’s offering.

Until otherwise designated, we shall refer to our local cast of unknown contributors as the Maple Ridge Mirth Makers.

Having been raised by southern parents, I know never to divulge the source of information, but do feel comfortable telling you what floor each lives on in case you need some levity for your next bridge club.

Overheard during lunch — While observing a lovely lady of some nine decades plus cane herself slowly across the dining room floor toward her apartment upstairs, I overheard this exchange from the two women who had shared her dining room table:

Resident #1 — “Why do you suppose she moves so much better than we do? We have walkers. She has a cane.”

Resident #2 — “I don’t think she’s as medicated as we are.”

Best Exchange with a Person in the Foyer — While walking by another lovely lady, seated comfortably awaiting her designated driver, I stopped to say hello.

“You sure look like your Dad ” she said. Knowing that she had never seen him, I smiled.

“Thanks. You know, I sure do miss him.”

Without missing a beat, she responded, “We all do.” My sister in Atlanta is still laughing about that one.

Best Response by a Ninety-genarian named Mac —

“Hey Mac, how do you like it here?”

“Oh, I like it fine. I’ve already got lots of girlfriends.”

“Oh yeah?” I queried.

“Yes sir, and I’ve told them all the same thing.”

“What’s that, Mac?”

“That I need at least two-weeks notice.”

Sure gives new meaning to the word bingo.

They play a lot of Bingo at Maple Ridge. They also go a lot of places, do a lot of things, and eat a lot of great food.I like the pattern at Maple Ridge.

Lunch is the big meal of the day. I’ve always liked lunch better than dinner. How else can you have chips with the meal? Lunch means you can take a nap if you want to a little later.

My Grandma Tama always did, for at least an hour. Her “beauty rest” she called it. Right after her programs, back when each soap was only 15 minutes; “The Guiding Light” and “Search for Tomorrow.” Black and white only.

There are a couple of big flat-screen televisions at Maple Ridge. They are not black and white, but color. Can you believe the technology of the people who now live in Freeland?

Why, it was but a mere 120 years ago that nudists and other out-of-work socialists were running around Holmes Harbor listening to Dave Niehaus on transistor radios while digging for “gooey” ducks.

At least that is what I overheard yesterday during lunch at Maple Ridge.