“As good Americans we can’t live without gas. But at two bucks a gallon something’s got to give or we’ll have to park our guzzlers in the driveway and walk, ride share, take a bus, or adopt some similarly socialistic method of transportation. So if you’re an average Joe or Jane here’s how to save a few bucks so we can keep on drivin’.CREATE VEGETARIAN KIDS: You can save at least a gallon of gas a day by turning your kids into vegetarians. Let’s say a typical meal includes macaroni and cheese dust from a box, hamburger patties, and applesauce in order to get a vegetable-like substance into their diets. All you have to do is leave out the hamburger! At two bucks a pound, you’ll buy yourself a gallon of gas. On paydays, you can not give the kids steak, then you’ll have two gallons of gas. Most of the kids in the world would love to dine on macaroni and cheese dust and applesauce so don’t feel guilty.REDUCE DRUG OVERDOSES: Americans take far too many prescription drugs, and that goes for your spouse who is spending $4 a day on medicine some greedy doctor prescribed. All you have to do is cut the dosage in half and you’ve got yourself another gallon of gas. Buy some of these empty gel caps from the drugstore, fill them with sand or gravel, and replace half your spouse’s prescription with the fakes. Chances are your spouse will do just fine on half the dosage of real medication. If not, and worst comes to worst, you’ve got yourself another gallon of gas.MAKE GRANDPA PAY: If you’ve got a deadbeat elder around the house, make them pay $2 a day for room and board. Macaroni and cheese dust isn’t cheap, you know, and the extra money can go into the guzzler.CHARITY BEGINS IN THE TANK: Let’s say you spend ten bucks a week on church or some other charity. All you have to do is stop! That’s five gallons of gas. There’s probably no driving in heaven so we’ve got to enjoy it here.ADOPT A COYOTE: Spending $2 a day on pet food? What a waste. Name your neighborhood coyote (Grisly sounds good) and send Tabby and Fifi out to play with him at night. Soon Grisly will be your only pet and you can spend that $2 at the pump. Coyotes are the perfect pet — seldom heard, rarely seen, and they feed themselves.See. With just a few simple cuts you’ve bought yourself approximately five gallons of gas a day with no overall harm to your budget. We’ll talk more later if gas gets to $5 a gallon. That could result in the Great American Dilemma — reduce driving, or cut out the cable TV? It’s a choice too terrible to consider at this point.”